i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
