you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I have fence marks all over my body
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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