my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
