i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
