There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
