The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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