walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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