mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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