Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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