a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
