what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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