The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
