I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
