Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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