I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
