SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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