This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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