I accidentally burped into my bong.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
