we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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