I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I supernannyed him into submission
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
