Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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