im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
