hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
