Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
