my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
