i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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