we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
