He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
