ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
