Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
