How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
