I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
the condom got lost in my hair
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
