Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
