I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We're too hungover to prance.
Text me some of your sweat
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
