The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
