I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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