had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
