hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
