So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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