When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
