I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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