my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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