College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
