You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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