I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
