While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
