life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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