i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
