Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
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I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
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I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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