Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
