I think my fart just growled at me.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
