he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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