why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize