I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
