barbara walters just said penis...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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