and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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