you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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