In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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