all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
