If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize