Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
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She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
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ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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