I cut my penus on the lid.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
