why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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