Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
