Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
