yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
