She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize