Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
