I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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