I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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