i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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