Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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