Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
