Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
