i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
