Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize