I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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