dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
