What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
