You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
