glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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