Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
