Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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