I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
