o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
